Finding Ours Read online

  Audrey sat and wrapped Rhea in her arms. “Are you gonna to be okay down here with the boys, sweetheart?”

  Rhea leans her head on Audrey’s shoulder, “Yes, ma'am.”

  “Y’all will come grab me if she gets scared?” Audrey asked us.

  “Yes, ma’am.” The three of us said in unison.

  Audrey had somehow managed to get the TV under the blankets with us so she turned a movie on with the remote and turned it up pretty loud so Rhea didn’t hear the storm.

  “Goodnight, y’all.”

  “Goodnight.” We all said.

  A little while into the movie the storm was picking up and it could be heard over the movie. I looked over to Rhea and she had the blankets tucked up under her chin. I glanced over towards Knox and Rex who were both asleep before turning towards Rhea and slipping my hand under her blankets to grab her hand.

  “Go to sleep, Honey Bee.”

  She gripped my hand tightly in hers, “Okay.”

  The thunder rattled the window and she jumped. Rhea moved a little closer to me. Before I fell asleep Rhea was snuggled up as close as she could get to me.

  “Tanner,” Rhea calls.

  I groan and roll over, hitting my shoulder in the close confines of my bunk.

  “Tanner, get up.” Rhea nudges me in the back.

  “No.”

  Rhea sighs, “Fine, I’m goin’ to the pool by myself.”

  The thought of seeing her in a bathing suit has parts of me wide awake now. I roll in her direction, “You’re not goin’ to the pool by yourself.”

  Rhea raises her eyebrows, “And why’s that?”

  I throw my legs over the side of the bed and hop down. My thighs, stomach, and chest touch Rhea’s body. All I have to do is bend my head down and my lips would meet hers. I’ve been fighting this kiss forever now and pretty soon I’m not going to be able to stop myself.

  I wink, “Because I’m comin’ with you.”

  Rhea shivers and goose bumps break out across her skin. “Come then.”

  I take a step back; my dick springs to life at the word come rolling off her tongue. She has no idea what she has been doing to me for years now. I’m afraid to tell her, afraid she’s too young, too afraid to screw our friendship up because of my hormonal urges but things are changing whether I want them to or not.

  Rhea laughs and walks away, “Let’s go, Tan.”

  ~ Age 16 ~

  Rhea

  Things are altering.

  Time is passing.

  People are changing.

  My heart is breaking.

  Families are falling apart.

  Falling in love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  Friendships are diminishing.

  Have you ever had that feeling deep in the pit of your stomach that something wasn’t right? No matter what I did, no matter how I tried to distract myself from that feeling, nothing was working.

  My friends were all starting to arrive for my sweet sixteen birthday party. Mama and Daddy decided to throw me a huge party. It was meant to be a surprise but in a heated argument they let it slip and ruined the surprise for me. The fighting between my parents was getting worse with each passing day. Daddy was working more and more and he hadn’t come home yet after having left early this morning. Mama is distracted these days, barely functioning and not noticing what’s going on around her. Tanner is being more distant than ever. He hardly ever talks to me anymore unless it is just the two of us. I sent him a text this morning wishing him a happy birthday and he has yet to answer his phone.

  The doorbell rings again, “Sweetheart, can you grab the door?” Mama asks. I don’t know why she couldn’t do it; she was sitting on the step just staring into space.

  My friends Sarah and Bella stand on the porch dressed up in pink and black dresses giggling and carrying on about Lord knows what. Those two are forever laughing and getting in trouble.

  They squeal, “Happy birthday, Rhea!”

  I hug the both of them before they enter the house. After they pass by me I take a step out onto the front porch and glance over towards Tanner’s house. He’s home. His bedroom light is on but yet he still hasn’t answered my text.

  I decide to try one more time before giving up.

  Me 7:30 pm: I know you’re home. Your light is on. Where are you? I need you. My birthday isn’t the same without you.

  I wait a few minutes, hoping and praying he answers. Giving up, knowing he isn’t going to respond, I sigh and look once more before I head back inside to my party. Tanner has turned his light off. My heart cracks just a little more. Everything is falling apart it seems.

  I open the door and Mama is standing there smiling. It’s fake; she’s putting on a show for the guests. “Sweetheart, you’re daddy isn’t gonna make it home for the party.”

  My shoulders sag in defeat, “Okay.” I mean what else was I supposed to say? I’m not surprised by this. He’s choosing work over his one and only daughter yet again.

  For the rest of the night I avoid Mama. I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes. I’m feeling no pain. Tommy snuck in alcohol and I’ve slowly been sipping on it all night. It’s easing the pain in my chest; I don’t care that my daddy isn’t home, don’t care what mama is doing and I’ve stopped checking my phone for a text that I know isn’t coming.

  Braydon wraps an arm around me and kisses me on the cheek. It’s sloppy and wet and grosses me out. His breath smells like stale cigarettes and beer. “What’s up, darlin’?”

  I shake my head while holding my breath as he talks. The pungent aroma of his breath nauseates me.

  “Whatcha say we go out back?” Braydon pulls me to his chest and wraps his other arm around me.

  Braydon is cute but he’s too touchy feely. He’s always flirting with me and telling people we’re dating but we aren’t and never have, never will. We’ve kissed a few times but that’s it. He’s tried more but I’ve never let it progress past that. My heart tells me I’m holding out for one person; the very one I have repeatedly checked my phone for over and over tonight.

  I take a step away from Braydon as he starts to sway, “No, Bray.”

  “Aw, come on, darlin’.”

  I shake my head, “Not happenin’.”

  I leave him standing there and make my way toward the kitchen needing some fresh air. Knox and Rex are there leaning against the kitchen counter, girls flanking both sides of them.

  Rex sees me first. He comes over and hugs me. “Happy birthday, Rhea.”

  I kiss his cheek, “Thanks, Rex.”

  Knox wraps me in his arms next lifting me off the ground. “Happy birthday, Little One.”

  I giggle, “I’m not so little anymore, Knox.”

  He sets me back down, “You’ll always be little to me, Rhea.”

  I take a bottle of water from the fridge, “Have y’all seen Tanner?”

  Knox and Rex exchange a look and my stomach tightens. That look tells me they have, they know what’s going on, and that he’s not coming.

  Rex speaks up first, “Yeah, we stopped there first.”

  “Mom’s still over there talking to Emma.” Knox explains.

  I nod, “Is he coming over?” It’s a stupid question to ask because I already know the answer.

  Knox looks down to the floor, “I don’t think so. He said it’s not a smart thing to do.”

  My eyebrows furrow, “Whatcha mean?”

  Rex looks up to the ceiling, “He was heading out somewhere and told us to just come over here.”

  I get the chills but yet my body feels heated. He’s never skipped out on one of my parties when he’s promised he’d be here. I shouldn’t be surprised. Everyone is breaking promises that they are making me lately but somehow his hurts the worst though.

  Knox bumps his shoulder into mine and says quietly, “He said to meet him at the spot at midnight.”

  I stare at Knox and cock my head. “Our spot?”

  Does he know something that I don’t?
Does he know how strained things are right now between Tanner and me? Does he feel the same shift that I’m feeling too?

  “I know, Little One, more than you think I do.”

  “Know what, Knox?”

  “Things are changing.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I’ve tried to be numb to the whole situation, block it out, but it looks like I can’t do that for much longer.

  “Everything is so messed up, Knox.” I let a single tear fall. I feel a shift in my life but I’m not sure what’s causing it. I’ve tried to ask Tanner but he says not to worry about anything. Everything has a way of working itself out.

  Knox and Rex wrap me in their arms as I let the first round of many tears to come fall. I don’t want to grow up; I want to stay oblivious to the world. I want to spend my summers running on the beach with the boys. I want the parents to call us for s’mores when they have the fire on the beach just perfect for us. I want all the laughs. I want my family and even my extended family happy again. But when things are so far gone, how do you right the wrongs?

  The party wraps up around eleven-thirty that night; the only people still here are Knox and Rex. They are sitting on the couch in the living room, “Are y’all staying over?” I ask taking a seat next to Knox on the couch.

  The boys, when they are in town, will either sleep in the spare room at my house or over at Tanner’s. They’ve been doing this for years. I wish Audrey and Austin would just move back to Fayetteville with all of us.

  “We’re going to crash here.” Knox says with a wink.

  “We’re,” Rex coughs out the last word, “covering.”

  My eyebrows furrow in confusion and I mouth, “Covering?” I know I had a little to drink but I’m most certainly not drunk.

  Mama saunters in, “What’re y’all up to for the rest of the night? Are you boys staying here or Tanner’s?”

  “We’re staying here, ma’am.” Rex answers.

  Knox kicks his shoes off, “We were thinking of watching a movie until we fall asleep.”

  Mama nods, “Okay, just remember to turn the TV off before you go to bed.”

  “We will.” I answer.

  Mama heads up the stairs to bed. I lean back to make sure she is far enough away before figuring out what the hell they are covering for.

  “What’re you two up to?”

  Rex chuckles and Knox rolls his eyes. “Go upstairs, change out of that hideous dress and meet your boy toy at your spot.”

  I sit there for a second before snapping into motion.

  “Oh,” Knox calls out, “you’re welcome.”

  “Um,” I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “Thank you?”

  Rex waves me off, “Yeah, yeah.”

  I’ve changed in five minutes flat and out the back door a minute later. I made sure to shut the spotlight off before running through the back yard; I don’t need to wake Mama up.

  I slip past the pool fence and I see a flicker of light.

  “Tanner?”

  He steps out of the shadows, the flicker from the light dancing across his handsome face. His jet black hair is sticking up everywhere; he’s stressed, and it’s obvious he has been running his hands through it all day. He’s got scruff on his face that I love to run my hands over. But his eyes, his green eyes, hold a story that he’s hiding from me. I know he’s got a lot on his plate. His parents are fighting like mine. He’s supposed to be leaving for college next month but he doesn’t want to go. He’s lucky though; his parents let him have a year off after he blew his knee out in the beginning of the year in a nasty sack that caused him to lose his scholarship to the University of North Carolina. Now he’s going to take classes at the local college.

  When I reach Tanner he pulls me to him, reaches down and picks me up. No words are spoken, just the release of the emotions we’ve both been carrying around with us for what seems like forever. I do the only thing my heart and my mind tells me to do. I wrap my legs around him and cup his face with all the tenderness and emotion that I’m feeling right now and kiss him on the lips.

  Tanner pulls away, “I’m so sorry.”

  ~ Age 19 ~

  Tanner

  “Shh,” Rhea says as she runs her hands through my hair. I’ve been doing it all day after I caught my dad and Rhea’s mama at the diner a few miles out of town.

  I left early that morning to go pick up a glass blown flower for Rhea’s birthday present. She’s been collecting blown glass pieces for as long as I can remember. I found this one piece online and I knew I had to get it. It was four calla lilies with long stems that were formed into the shape of a heart. It was different, like nothing I’ve ever seen before and perfect for Rhea.

  I called the store and they said they only had one left and they would hold it for me but I had to come that day, the day of the party, to get it or they would put it back on the shelf. I couldn’t risk losing this gift for her sweet sixteen birthday, she’s my everything and I want to give her a symbol of how much she means to me.

  I got up, got ready and headed out for the hour drive but decided to stop for some breakfast about forty-five minutes out of town. I thought I recognized my daddy’s truck but didn’t put much thought into it because why would he be here if our house and his work were in the other direction. I walked into the diner and asked to be seated in a booth.

  “Follow me right this way,” the hostess said.

  We walked past a couple of tables and I heard a laugh that sounded a lot like Daisy’s, Rhea’s mama, but again I pushed the thought away. I guess I was worried about Rhea’s surprise being ruined and wasn’t paying attention to the obvious happening right before my eyes.

  The hostess stopped and placed the menu on the table. I sat down and picked up the menu.

  “Your waitress will be right out.” Then she turned on her heel and left.

  I heard silverware clatter against a plate. I lowered my menu to see what happened and that’s when I saw them. My daddy and Rhea’s mama, sitting at the table having breakfast, and to make matters worse, they were sitting next to each other rather than across from one another. Obviously intentional based on their proximity to each other and the intimate glances they were sharing with one another.

  After sitting there staring at them I slowly slid out of the booth. I needed someone to pinch me, tell me this isn’t real. That I’m seeing things or that this isn’t what it looks like. It can’t be what it looks like, right? My mind is trying to convince me of the latter but I know in my heart that what I’m seeing is my new reality. I’m not even sure how I made my body move towards them but there was no avoiding this scenario.

  “Son,” Dad addressed me, obviously in a state of unaffected panic.

  “Don’t Son me.” I seethed.

  Daisy had her head down, not making eye contact at all and I swear I heard her whimper.

  “Tanner,” Dad tries again. “I can explain.”

  I laugh, “Yeah, I’m sure you can. Happy birthday, son, I’m fucking my best friend’s wife.”

  “You will not speak like that to me.” Dad said angrily.

  Daisy is softly crying into her napkin; throw the book at her, she’s guilty as charged.

  At this point, the other patrons in the restaurant have stopped to watch the show that no amount of money can possibly buy. I don’t even care, if they want a show, they’re damn sure gonna get one.

  “How’s Eddie, Daisy?” I asked. “I heard he’s been working a lot. I guess this would explain why that is right? Does he know?” I look at my dad. “Does Mom know? Is this why she’s barely functioning, barely living?” I laugh once. “Oh wait, you wouldn’t know that since you hardly come home.” I shake my head. “Always working, you told me. I didn’t realize that working on Project Daisy is what paid the bills.”

  My dad slammed his fist on the table, “Enough.”

  My head falls back and I laugh harder, “Enough? Oh no. I’m just getting started. Do you even fathom what each of your acts of selfi
shness has done and will do to both of our families? Do you fucking realize that you have now officially crossed the friend line and there’s not a chance in hell you can ever go back? Do you?” I scream at them. I see the manager of the diner heading our way so I turn on my heel to leave.

  “Tanner!” My dad yelled after me but I didn’t bother to turn around.

  I’m done with him, his bullshit, and his lectures. I’m just done.

  I lay Rhea down on the blanket that I have spread out on the line of dogwood trees that separates our property. It’s a secluded line of trees that divides the back of the property and blocks the view from the street. The fence around the swimming pool blocks the view to Rhea’s house and a large pine tree blocks the view to my house. It’s where we’ve shared so many of our firsts: our first kiss, our first make out session, the first time she’s given me a blow job and the first time I’ve ate her out. God help me but I’m hoping that tonight’s the first time we make love because I’m on the edge and it’s a vast precipice that only Rhea can save me from at this point. This isn’t something I’m going to share with her; it isn’t something I could tell her on our birthday. So I need to lose myself in her, in us, knowing that we have tonight and I’ll deal with all of the fucked up bullshit later. And try to protect her from the inevitable fallout as much as possible.

  I lose myself in the gorgeous girl next to me. Her hair is up in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a tight tank top and short gym shorts. I love that she knows that she doesn’t have to dress up for me. I slide a hand under her tank top; her stomach is tight and so warm.

  I kiss her neck, “I’m sorry I never showed.”

  Rhea sighs, “It’s okay.”

  Lying on my side next to her, I push her tank top up just above her breast and kiss the left side of her ribs. I moan when I see that she has no bra on. Thank you, Jesus. “No, it’s not okay.”

  I sit up and help Rhea up so that I can remove her tank top. Once it’s over her head, I throw it somewhere behind me. My hands move to her amazing boobs of their own accord.

  Rhea sits up on her knees between my legs and arches her back towards me. My mouth moves to the valley between her breasts. I slowly circle her nipples with the tip of my tongue. Rhea’s body starts to tremble and she has a grip on my hair. I don’t stay there long because I want my mouth lower, between her bare thighs, as she moans out my name while she comes because of what I can do to her. Watching her fall apart is the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.